


Best Summer ever?

by thedollars666



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-03-21 10:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13738503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedollars666/pseuds/thedollars666
Summary: It was going to be the best summer ever. Kyle had wonderful plans for his friends. He had learned that Eric Cartman was going away for the whole two months. And a summer with No Cartman meant Everything to Kyle and his other friends. But something tragic takes place on the very first day of Summer, causing the best summer ever, to become the very worst.





	1. Screw you guys, I'ma going to Grandma's

**Author's Note:**

> For Kenny's lines, I've done muffled words followed by translation. Let me know if I should just change it to normal Speaking or keep it how it is.

Summer break; taking place in Colorado springs and across the states of America. The snow had cleared and everywhere, lush green blossomed among flowers. Despite this, the mountain air was still cold; kids of south park colorado remained snug in their winter coats, wooly hats and gloves.

 

The bell rang loudly throughout their elementary and kids of all grades burst through the door screaming with joy. Three in particular were extremely excited. They walked down the footpath from their school, almost skipping.

 

“Wow! I can't believe its summer already” the boy in the green hat and orange coat exclaimed with a smile. Kyle.

 

“Whoa dude. Chill. Its just summer. Nothing ever happens in summer. Well, except for that one time” the boy on Kyle's right replied with the brown coat and blue hat. Stan.

 

“Not this year dude. This year, this year is gonna be the best summer ever!”

 

Stan looked at him skepically before replying “K”

 

Kyle soon realized Stan had no idea what he was talking about. They stopped walking. “Haven't you heard Stan?”

 

“Heard what?”

 

“About Cartman”

 

“What about him?”

 

“Turns out, he's going to his Grandma's” Kyle then paused for dramatic effect. “The. Whole. Summer”

 

“What!? Why didn't anyone tell me? Why am I only hearing this now?”

 

“I thought you knew!”

 

“Mmmff nff” The boy in the orange hoodie muffled behind his coat. Kenny.

 

“Everyone knew!?” Stan gasped.

 

“Yeah dude! Didn't I tell you? I'm sure I did; I think I did. I mean I told everyone else”

 

“Not me! Wow. If I'd known there was gonna be a summer with no Cartman around. I'd have planned it a whole lot better”

 

“Well what do you have planned?”

 

Stan threw his arms up “Nothing!”

 

The boys continued to walk on, completely ignoring the larger boy, who was trudging sulkingly behind them, frowning fiercely. His hands in his red jacket pocket, his blue hat pulled low over his ears. Eric. Going only by Cartman from his 'friends' and most of the other kids at his school.

 

"No wonder you've been so stoked this last week. I can't believe you didn't tell me" Stan said, adding a hint of mild annoyance to the last part. Kyle and Stan stop again, Kenny just in front.

 

"Jesus Christ" Eric mumbled as he had to stop himself from colliding into them.

 

Kyle put his hand on Stan's shoulder, his other hand raising in front of him. "Just picture it Stan. No racist remarks. no constantly being ripped on. no loud mouth voice shouting crap like "Stupid Jew" "You can't cause you're too poor Kenny" Stan laughed at Kyle's impersonations. They were pretty lame, but still hilarious. "The sound of silence, from Cartman's big fat mouth"

 

"Ay!"

 

"Mmf mmmf ffh tff ooo" (And his big fat ass too) Kyle and Stan laugh

 

"I'm standing right here assholes!" the boys turn to look at him. There was silence for a moment, then they carried on walking. Eric frowned at their backs, then continued to follow. "God damn it" he was in a particularly bad mood since it was walk to and from school day. He didn't even know that was a real thing. He found the whole thing stupid and was sure they did it on purpose; just to piss him off. On the last day of school no less. "This is bull crap! don't they know its like a mile to my house"

 

"Don't complain so much Cartman. You can stand to lose a few calories" Kyle said with a grin

 

"Dude, calories?"

 

"Yeah. Cause it'll take more then a mile to lose anything more then that for Cartman"

 

The three boys in front laugh again. Eric drew his hands out of his pockets, clenching them into fists. "That's it!" he quickly made it to the front of them. "Screw you guys, I'm going home!" he walked as fast as he could. Trying his best to stay in front- way in front "Fucking Jew"

 

A smaller kid, waved from the other side of the road. His blonde tuff of hair bouncing a little as he did. "Have a nice summer Eric" Butters. The only kid who ever called him by his first name.

 

"Fuck you Butters!" Eric replied without even looking up. He continued to walk in a hasty fashion. Trying not to let it show it was causing his legs to burn. His frown evident on his face, ignoring the surprise look on Butters' face.

 

“What'd I do?” Butters then waved at the other three he considered friends.

“Have a good summer fellas, see you around maybe”

 

Kyle waved back and replied “You too butters. Don't worry bout Cartman, he's just sulking cause he has to go to his Grandma's for all of summer”

 

Eric stopped and span around. “I'm not sulking Kahl! You're just assholes!” he then turned back and walked on.

 

The boys try and contain their giggles as much as possible. They failed and all three burst, screeching with laughter.

 

Eric gritted his teeth. Why the hell did he hang out with these guys? _I hate you guys, hate you guys so damn much. Especially Kahl. No good stinking Jew boy._

 

The next day, Stan and Kyle were making their way to Kenny's house. They crossed over the broken run down train track that's never used anymore. It was the very first day of Summer, the offical day that declared freedom for Two whole months. “What should we do first?” Stan asked

 

“Don't worry, I've got it all planned out” Kyle replied as they drew closer to their friends house.

 

“First, we're going to have a whole week of gaming time”

 

“Oh yeah, that sounds right”

 

“Then, I thought we could get in some quality play time with the guys. Craig said he and Token are looking for new recruits for their pokemon go team”

 

“Sweet”

 

“And, I know it sucks. But my Mom wanted me to at least get some sort of exercise this summer. You know, do something active. So how about we get all of the kids that have laser quest guns and go out just after sunset. It'd be like, call of duty”

 

“Dude. That's really awesome. You really did plan ahead. I can't believe I didn't know about Cartman. But, at least you're prepared”

 

“Totally dude. Just leave everything to me. This summer is gonna be sweet”

 

“My Mom said if I do a load of chores soon, she'll let me have a massive sleep over and we could have a Terrence and Phillip Marathon”

 

“Awesome! See? Best summer ever”

 

The two boys rang the door bell of their friends run down house. They waited for a few seconds, until Kenny opened the door.

 

“Hey dude. We're going to see the fat ass off”

 

“Hm” (ok) Kenny replied and shut the door behind him. From there, they doubled back and began to make their way to Eric's house.

 

“Kenny, you are gonna be so stoked for Summer. Kyle has the best plans for us. Tell him Kyle”

 

Kyle relayed all his plans back to Kenny who listened intently. “Oo mf od ude” (Oh my dude)

 

“I know right?”

 

“Best summer ever” Kyle repeated. Stan knew that Kyle was going to play on that for a long while. He didn't mind though, it was a simple thing to endure for what excitement was to come. Kyle wasn't the only one that was looking forward to a summer without Eric Cartman.

 

The boys reached the Cartman's house just in time to see Lianne placing a suitcase in the back of a cab. The boys mother wasn't going with him, which was what annoyed Eric the most. That he was putting up with his own messed up family on his own. The cab was expensive, but Eric argued with his mother, that he'd rather die then have to 'Risk any kind of terrorism from a plane or train'. The boys spotted Eric next, coming out with his yellow back pack on one shoulder. His frown and pout still evident on his face. He looked up when he reached the edge of the path, rolling his eyes when he saw them. “What the hell are you guys doing here?”

 

“We thought we'd see you off fat-I mean, Cartman” Stan replied, quickly changing his fat ass comment to his chosen name for his friend.

 

“Screw you guys. You're a fucking liar, I'm not stupid geez”

 

“Well whatever. We're here anyways”

 

Lianne turned around after shutting the boot of the cab once she was done placing the suitcases in the cab. “Oh how nice. Eric's little friends have come to say goodbye”

 

The three boys surpress a laugh “Yes Ms Cartman. We wanted to see Cartman off. Cause we'll miss him a lot” Kyle replied sarcastically

 

Eric got angry and clenched his fists “Fuck you Kahl!”

 

“Eric, Language poopsykins. You know Grandma doesn't like that sort of potty mouth” Lianne cooed

 

Eric mumbled the next part under his breath. “Grandma can suck my balls”

 

“Oh! I almost forgot. I packed all your favourite snacks for the trip. I'll just go and get them”

 

Lianne walked back into the house to retrieve the food. Eric sighed and continued to frown at his friends. “I hate you guys”

 

“Dude. How come your Mom's not going with you anyway?” Stan asked sincerely

 

“I don't know. She said something about a job offer and making some extra money. Whatever it is, I can't be in the house for”

 

Kyle leaned over to Kenny and mumbled “Whore house for summer” Kenny laughed loudly.

 

“Fuck off Jew! I heard that!”

 

“No. I'm sorry. It's bad, I mean it really sucks that you have to spend an entire summer at your Grandma's” Kyle replied

 

“You're a god damn liar. I know you'll miss me. You can't deny it, You're gonna be totally depressed once I'm gone Kahl”

 

Kyle frowned “Get your head out your ass fat boy! I hate you! I've never exaggerated that in all the years I've known you. I always say it. I hate you! I hate you!”

 

“It's ok Kahl. You can admit it”

 

“Argh!” Kyle stepped closer

 

“Listen to me very carefully. I-hate-your-fucking-guts”

 

“You don't need to hide it anymore Kahl. We've been friends a long time. Face it, you're gonna miss me”

 

“No! No I won't. Jesus Christ!”

 

“You can't say exclaim his name. You're a jew”

 

Stan face palmed. Any good mood of Kyle's was going flying out of the window. He knew it was a bad idea to see Cartman off. But Kyle disagreed, he was so stoked about the summer that he wanted to celebrate the moment Eric's cab disappeared into the distance. “I will never! Ever! Miss your fucking racist, self absorbed, hatred fat fucking ass. Ever!”

 

“Kyle come on. Let's just see Cartman off so we can enjoy the summer” Stan said, placing his hand on Kyle's shoulder to calm him.

 

Kyle shrugged him off “You can think all the little fantasy crap you want. But I still hate you!”

 

“Then why are you here Kahl?” the thing that annoyed Kyle the most. Was that Eric always remained, mostly, at times. So calm. As if he really, really believed whatever he thought up. Kyle was sure, he did it on purpose.

 

“I wouldn't even care you fucking died!” Kyle shouted, his own fists clenching with anger.

 

Everyone looked in surprise, Eric's calm demeanor deminished too. “Dude. That's not cool. You shouldn't joke about that” Stan said.

 

“Seriously? You hate him just as much as I do Stan”

  
“Yeah but. I wouldn't like, want him dead”

 

“Really!?”

 

“It's a little-over the top”

 

“You. Of all people. You're the one that asked to take the kill shot when South Park was about to be overrun with a god damn trapper keeper. Which by the way, was all Cartman's fault!”

 

“All right. I get it. But since we lost Kenny to that disease. I've learned to at least not to take sort of friends for granted”  
  


“Dude, what are you talking about? Kenny's right there”

 

Stan went silent “Oh yeah. Erm. Wait, what was my point again?” Eric and Kenny looked at each other. Eric shrugged. For a moment, Kenny could have sworn the two both shared the same thoughts. His friends remembered he'd died? At least at that one time. “Never mind. I don't know what I was talking about”

 

“Ok Eric. I've got all the yummy snack ready for you in this bag. Try to make them last for the trip hun. And try not to eat them all” Lianne said as she came back out of the house and handed the snack bag to her son.

 

“Smmh hfff mmm pmm amm hhff” (Those snacks won't even last the trip out of South Park)

 

Kyle and Stan started laughing

 

“At least I have snacks Kenny! You poor piece of crap!” Eric walked to the back door of the cab.

 

“Call Mommy when you get there sweetie. Have a good time and be good for Grandma” Lianne showered her son with kisses.

 

He pushed her off and wiped his face “All right Mom! Jesus” he then turned to frown at Kyle and the other two boys. “You will miss me Kahl. I swear to god. One day. One day you'll see. My spy is in the works. He's going to relay to me every fucking tear and mopey thing you say this Summer”

 

“So we just have to avoid playing with Butters this summer” Stan said to Kenny and Kyle. They nodded with a smile.

 

“It's not Butters!”

 

“It's Butters” Kyle said, laughing a little.

 

“Screw you guys, I'ma going to Grandma's” Eric got into the cab, slamming the door.

 

“Bye poopsykins! See you soon” Lianne waved as the cab began to pull out of the driveway.

 

As soon as the cab was on the road, the boys began to cheer. “Yes!” Stan jumped up in the air.

 

Kenny cheered jumping in a circle.

 

Kyle smiled happily and shouted “Best summer ever!” As soon as the words left his mouth, there was a loud explosion.

 

The ground rumbled and shook. “Jesus Christ!!” Stan shouted.

 

In front of them, the cab was in pieces, fire crackled from the rubble. “Eric!! noooo!! My baby! Eric!!” Lianne ran toward the flames.

 

“Cartman?” Kyle stared blankly, his body frozen in shock. His eyes glued to the burning cab. He took a step forward. Stan and Kenny still staring in surprise. “Cartman? This is a joke right?” seeing Lianne fall apart just before the flames told him differently. “Cartman!!” Stan was shook out of his own surprise when he heard his best friend. He grabbed onto Kyle in an effort to stop him from running toward the explosion. “Eric!”

 

“He's gone. Christ. What the fuck” Stan said solemnly.

 

 


	2. Famous last words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to keep everyone in character as much as possible. I also tried to keep it funny as well as making it emotional. The song I used in this I tweaked a little to go with the story. I do not own it. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

It was raining. Go figure. It always did, on days like this. Funerals that is. Any funeral was always bad enough. A child's was worse. A friend's was worse. Raining just added to the already solemn effect it had on people. Stan stared at himself in the mirror. His hands by his side, one of them clasping his red tie. A light knock on the door caught his attention but he didn't turn around. “You ready to go champ?” His father asked, in an unusual calm and serious tone. At least, unusual for him.

 

“It won't work. The tie. I can't get it to work” Stan continued to stare at himself, dressed in a dark grey suit.

 

Randy walked fully into the room, dressed in his own black suit. He turned his son around and knelt in front of him. He silently took the tie from his hand and began to place it around Stan's neck in the proper fashion. He tightened the last knot and pushed it up to sit at the boys collar and said “There you go bud”

 

“Why do people die?”

 

Randy's mouth opened, he knew his son was going through a hard time. He didn't want to be a dick. But he always usually screwed up in these situations. “It's- it's just part of life son” was that right? He guessed not by the look on Stan's face.

 

“Part of life!? What part of life is that? The part where you're just ten years old thinking you've got one hell of a life ahead of you? Or the part when you're just innocently visiting your Grandmas and the cab explodes!”

 

“Stanley-”

 

“Does god decide whose time is up? Does he sit up there, on his little god damn pedestal cloud thinking. Hey- screw this kid; he's next”

 

“I don't know! God!”

 

A tear appeared at one of Stan's eyelids, his mum soon appeared in the door way; hearing all the shouting. “What's going on? Randy don't yell at a time like this”

 

“I'm sorry Sharon! But- Stan should learn that it's not just fun and games- he should just- god!” Randy stormed out of the room. Yeah, he really did suck. He clearly panicked, and more then over reacted.

 

“Mum?” Stan looked up at her, he didn't know what he should do.

 

“I'm sorry Stanley. You know your father. Are you ready to go?”

 

“What do I do?”

 

“About what hun?”

 

“Do I remain stoic? Do I cry?”

 

“You do whatever you feel you have to Stan” she held her arms out and then embraced him. She then stood up and said “We'll be waiting in the car when you're ready” Sharon smiled at him and then left.

 

Stan sighed, he stood there thinking. What if it was his turn soon? Or Kyle's? Stan shook his head. He couldn't overthink this. It would cause more major issues with his life. He frowned and finally walked out of his bedroom. Just as he shut the door, his sister was stood by the small table on the landing. “Not today” he said. He couldn't deal with her crap today, she always gave him crap. For no reason. Without a word, Shelly moved toward him and gave him a quick hug. “Shelly?”

 

“Chin up. Turd” she then left him dumbfounded on the landing. Was this how it was going to be? People tiptoing around him now? He guessed it was normal. He was just going to have to deal. At least for a while. He could let go when he was alone.

 

Stan shut the door of the house and got into the back seat of his dad's car. They pulled out of the drive way and headed down the road. A phone began to ring, Sharon dug her cell out of her purse. “Hello?” Stan kept his head hung low, not even listening to the one sided conversation. “Yes. Ok, I'll tell him. We'll be there in a moment” Sharon disconnected the call. “That was Sheila. Apparently Kyle is refusing to come out of his room. He says he's not going to the funeral”

 

“Poor little guy. Must be hard. Losing your best friend like that” Randy replied.

 

Stan looked up then. Were they serious? “What? Cartman and Kyle were not best friends. They hated each other. Kyle and I have been best friends since preschool, How can you not know that?”

 

“Buddy, I know you're hurting all right. But you can't just move in on someones bff. At least not right away”

 

“What the hell does that even mean? I'm not moving in on anyone dad. Kyle is my best friend. Seriously. Geez!”

 

“Anyway, Stan. Sheila asked that you go talk to Kyle. See if you can get him to come out. She said he might listen to you” Sharon said as she turned to talk to her son.

 

“That's because _she_ knows that Kyle is _my_ best friend”

 

“Ok sweetheart”

 

“Mum, you have to know that. Come on”

 

“Ok sweetie” Sharon turned around to face the front again.

 

“Stan is pretty emotional right now. We should just agree with him for now” Randy told her

 

“I know. Its a rough time for him”

 

Stan frowned “Jesus Christ” he muttered, there was just no point. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shelly. Tell me that, at least you know what I'm talking about”

 

“Our fricking dog knows you and Kyle are best friends. Our parents are just stupid”

 

Stan sighed. “Thank you”

 

 

….....................................

 

 

Stan looked back at their car parked over the curb. His dad gave him a thumbs up. Stan rolled his eyes as he turned to knock on the door of Kyle's house. The door was opened by Sheila, Stan gave her a small smile. “Oh hi Stanly. Come on in. How are you doing?”

 

“Ok I guess”

 

“I understand. Could you talk to Kyle for me? I can't seem to talk any sense into him. He'll listen to you”

 

“Yeah, we're best friends afterall”

 

“Oh I know. Since preschool”

 

Stan smiled. Kyle's Mum maybe a little pshyco sometimes. But at least she wasn't so ignorant. Stan made his way up the stairs.

 

Kyle stared at the picture on his desk. A picture of the four of them. Him, Stan, Kenny and Eric. A simpler time. It was one of those rare moments, when the group got along, no arguments. Back when they played detectives. He continued to stare at the picture. Eric giving his smug little grin at the camera, back to back with Kenny holding pretend weapons. Kyle and Stan on opposite sides of them, holding their own pretend weapons. “I'm not falling for it. Not this time. I know you. Its not happening” He poked the image of Eric. “I know you're still out there fatass. You maybe fooling everyone else. But you're not fooling me” Kyle jumped when a knock on his door sounded. “I'm not going Mum!”

 

“Kyle. Its me” came Stan's muffled voice

 

“Stan?” Kyle walked to the door and opened it.

 

“Hey”

 

“What are you doing here? I thought you were going to the funeral?”

 

“I could say the same to you” Kyle rolled his eyes and stepped aside to allow Stan to enter his room.

 

“Did my Mum ask you to talk to me?”

 

“Actually yeah. Kyle-”

“Forget it. I'm not falling for it”

 

“What? Not falling for what?”

 

“Cartman” Kyle shut his door. “I know this is his way of getting to me”

 

“Dude”

 

“No Stan. He may have everyone else fooled. But I know the truth. Pretty soon, he's going to come out of his god damn hiding space. And be all like nah nah nah nah nah nah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I made you miss me. I made you sad”

 

“Really Kyle?”

 

“It's all a rouse Stan”

 

“Kyle. We saw the car blow up. We watched it explode, right in front of us. There was nothing left. No trace”

 

Kyle looked at Stan, the boy was genuinely upset. “Wow. He really has got to you all this time”

  
“Kyle. Come on. Please just come to the funeral. If you don't believe it that's fine; if not for Cartman. For me? I sort of need my best friend right now”

 

Kyle failed to say anything else. He could see how sincere Stan was. “Argh. Fine. But this means in no way I've fallen for his scams”

 

“Sure. Whatever you say” Stan walked to the door and opened it “I'll wait outside” he shut the door and stood against the wall. _He really believes Cartman is faking. He really is in denial. I guess we deal with grief in different ways._

 

 

The door opened and Kyle stepped out wearing a black suit with a red tie. “Ok. Let's go”

 

“Thanks Kyle”

 

Kyle sighed and the two made their way down the stairs. “Oh! You're here. You finally ready to go bauba?” Sheila said as she placed a hand on her sons shoulder. Kyle frowned, his hands in his jacket pockets.

“Yeah. I'm ready”

 

 

“Good. Gerald! Kyle's ready to go” Gerald came into the hallway from the kitchen with Ike in tow. Ike had been dressed in a small little dark blue suit.

 

Stan seemed surprised. “Mrs Broflovski? Isn't Ike a little young to go to a funeral?”

 

“I thought so too. But we just can't find a baby sitter at a time like this. Most of of everyone we know are going I think”

 

“Oh. Right”

 

Kyle rolled his eyes _yeah that sounds about right. The more the merrier right Cartman? Get everyone 'super depressed' over you. Nothing like people crying over you to add to your massive ego._ “Jesus Christ” _**you can't exclaim the lord's name cause you're a Jew.**_ The voice inside his head sounded so real. Kyle looked around the room, his family and Stan were waiting for him by the door. No Eric Cartman. Kyle seemed surprised for a second and then went back to being passive and followed his family out the door.

 

“Everyone else is going to meet us there” Sheila said as she and the rest of her family headed to their car.

 

Stan waved to Kyle “See you there”

 

“K”

 

Stan got back into the car “Way to go bud” Randy said. He waited for Gerald to pull out of his drive way and then followed after him.

 

 

It was more of a turn out then Kyle expected. Of course not everyone was there. But those who were wasn't mostly expected. Mr Garrison/the president. Token, Butters, Clyde and Jimmy. Craig and Tweek were to the right, holding hands. Heidi was there, sitting on one of the chairs; she looked pretty sad. Despite them broken up a while ago; Kyle guessed that she still cared enough about him. She was also back to normal, she'd lost all the weight she'd gained. Stan smiled when he got out of the car as he saw Wendy. Of all the girls to show up, she of all people he thought wouldn't. Kyle followed his family up to all the chairs that had been setup amongst the green grass of south park cemetery. It had stopped raining now, the sun was trying to poke through the clouds; its rays shining brightly against the dripping blades of green. He stopped when he was about to walk past his old teacher. “Mr garr- I mean, president. You're here?”

 

“Yes Kyle. I maybe president. But I'm not a total asshole. I did teach the little shit for some odd years. Thought I should pay my respects and all that”

 

“Ye-ah. Sure”

 

“What's with you anyway? Shouldn't you of all people not be here?”

 

“Well. I'm, I'm just here for Stan. He asked me to come”

 

“Figures. Bet you're pretty stoked though right?” Kyle wasn't sure what he was suppose to say. “Don't worry. You don't have to say anything. Everyone knows you and Eric totally hated each other. They all know you're secretly happy about this”

 

“No. I mean. I'm not happy, not really”

 

“Right. And I'm not a gay president” Garrison walked away from Kyle and went to find a seat.

 

Kyle shook his head. He found his friends stood to the side. Stan not with them, he was obviously with Wendy at the moment. Kyle looked to see all of his friends' families, comforting Liane in some way or another. The woman looked pretty torn up, but she was trying her best to stay strong in front of everyone. Kyle frowned. _I know you're an asshole Cartman. But I didn't think you'd go this far, just to get to me._ Kyle couldn't use past tense. He just didn't believe any of this was real. He literally refused to believe it. He walked up to his other friends. They were all dressed in similar suits. “Hey guys”

 

“Hey dude” Clyde greeted “Surprised to see you here”

 

What was it with that? “I know but-”

 

“I mean, you of all people I didn't think would be here”

 

“Jesus. You all hated him too”

 

“Sure. But its not like we could do anything about it. He was kind of like-a weed. You couldn't get rid of it. So you just sort of got used to it being there” Token replied. This made the others looked down in sadness.

 

“Are you serious right now?”

 

“Eric wasn't the best of people. Not a great friend. But he was always there ya know?” Butters said

 

“What?”

 

“Well, not there. Like there for you. But just there. If not in kind, you could count on him to get a job done. I suppose”

 

“It's just gonna be weird” Craig said as he and Tweek made their way to the group. “Basically what we're saying is, he was an asshole”

 

Butters clenched a fist against his palm, tears at his eyelids. “But damn he was our asshole”

 

They all looked at the short blonde boy. “That's- that's not what I was gonna say. Oh forget it”

 

“So let me get this straight” Kyle started, he was seriously confused. “You all hate his guts. But you still go to his funeral and kind of say nice stuff because-you're used to him?”

 

They all nod in agreeance. “Right” Tweek said, twitching only a little.

 

“That is just-wrong”

 

Stan and Wendy soon joined the group “I think they're about ready to start” Wendy said.

 

Kyle watched the group walk to their seats. “So wrong”

 

“You coming Kyle?” Stan called.

 

Kyle sighed “I guess so” _**you're a monster Kyle, but you're my little monster.**_ Kyle span around, no one behind him. A gentle breeze blew through his usually covered ginger hair. He thought that by showing his hair. It would make Eric show himself. He could picture it. **“How dare you show you're ginger Jew hair at my funeral Kahl!”** Kyle smiled a little, how pissed everyone would be; then he'd finally be able to say I told you so.

Everyone was now seated. The kids in attendence were sat to the front. Seated behind were their parents. Behind them were a few of the teachers, Garrison amongst them. Out of the students, from left to right sat Kenny, Kyle, Stan, Wendy, Heidi, Butters, Clyde, Token, Craig, Tweek and then Jimmy.

 

Liane was the first to step up to the front. She was wearing a black dress with a black netted veil pulled back. There was a small closed casket near the podium, with a few red flowers placed on the top “I want to thank you all for being here. I know my boy Eric would love-” she sniffled a little, trying to keep it together. “Would love to have seen this” Kyle snorted quietly, Stan nudged him with his elbow. “I know that a lot people were often mad at him. I know that he did a lot of bad things to people. There were times when even I was often mad. But he was always trying to better himself. In some way or another; Despite his more then obnoxious behaviour” liane almost couldn't hold it together. “Eric was a unique boy. I know what people thought of him. But he was just like any child really. He played, he had adventures, had friends, cried when he was sad, got angry. I used to be judged for being too leniant with Eric. But there are many of us who think their child is a saint, when often he gets into trouble” The parents looked down in sadness, silently agreeing. “He was my baby boy” Liane was crying now, she placed a hand on the casket. “You're at peace now sweetheart. Eric, I love you. Go be with God”

 

The kids exchanged sad looks, they knew better. Their rascist, manipulative, asshole friend; was definatly not with god. At least, they didn't believe he would be.

 

Sharon had to come up to the front and steer Liane away from the boy's casket. An arm around her grieving friend as she led her to sit down. They weren't the best of friends, but they were still friends.

 

“Its heartbreaking. I honestly don't know what I'd do” Sheila said quietly.

 

“I know what you mean. I couldn't cope if I lost one of my babies” Carol replied.

 

Kenny frowned as he overheard this. “Are you fucking kidding me” he mumbled.

 

“What?” Kyle asked

 

“Nothing”

 

Mr mackey soon made his way to the front. “Mmkay. I know some of Eric's friends probably want a chance to say something. So err, why don't we have his good friend Kyle come up here. Come on up Kyle”

 

“Really?” Kyle frowned in confusion as everyone looked at him. “Really?”

 

Stan rolled his eyes. At least he didn't say best friend. “Just roll with it dude. I don't know either. They're, they're just stupid”

 

“Really?” Kyle realised they were still waiting for him. He sighed and jumped off of his chair. _Wait, maybe this is it. Maybe he's waiting for me to say something nice about him and then he's going to jump out. Nice try fatass, you're not going to get that satisfaction._ Kyle stepped up to the podium, the microphone in front of him. He then frowned. “All right! That's enough. Come on Cartman! I think this has gone far enough”

 

Stan face palmed “Oh no”

 

“Come on out! I know you're there! You can't fool me. Waiting for me to spew a bunch of nice crappy things about you. It's not gonna happen asshole. I don't buy it, you hear me?” they all stared at him in shock. Stan slowly got off his seat, he didn't want Kyle making more of an ass of himself then he already was. “Let everyone see, see that you're just playing one of your massive cruel jokes. Tell all these people that obviously care just a little bit, enough to be here. That this was all a rouse to get back at me, to try and get me to admit something I never will”

 

Stan pulled on Kyle's arm. “Come on Kyle. Why don't you sit down ok?”

 

“But he's faking Stan, they all should know”

 

“Yeah dude. Just sit down ok? Calm down a bit” Kyle allowed Stan to lead him back to his chair.

 

“Holy shit dude” Kenny exclaimed

 

“Sorry bout that. Um, he's just having a tough time right now” Stan spoke, lying for Kyle to take the heat off.

 

“My poor little bauby” Sheila said, sniffing into a tissue.

 

“It's tragic. One minute you're best friend is there. Next minute” Randy closed his eyes “He's gone”

 

Stan could just over hear what his dad was saying. He clenched his fists in his lap. “God damn it”

 

“Mmkay.....Thank you- Kyle....um, The rest of the students here have prepared a little something mmkay”

 

“Don't be mad dude” Stan said to Kyle

 

“What?”

 

“I didn't ask you to participate with us cause I know you it's not your thing. I know how much you hated Cartman, I didn't want you pressured into anything”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Come on up here kids, Mmkay”

 

All the kids except for Kyle made their way up to the front, Token bringing with him a boom box. They all grabbed a microphone from inside their jacket. Stan spoke first. “We didn't have a lot of time to prepare for this. So er, we just sorta chose a song and- well, that's it”

 

Token hit play on the box and the song was instantly recognised as I'll be missing you by Puff Daddy.

 

“You've got to be kidding me” Kyle said with a frown

 

 

Stan: Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show  
I laced the track, you locked the flow  
So far from hanging on the block for dough  
Cartman, they got to know  
That life ain't always what it seem to be  
Words can't express what you mean to us  
Even though you're gone, we still a team  
We're your family, I'll fufill your dreams

 

Kenny: In the future, can't wait to see  
If you open up the gates for me  
Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend  
Try to black it out, but it plays again  
When it's real, feeling's hard to conceal  
Can't imagine all the pain we feel  
Give anything to hear half your breath   
I know you still living your life after death

 

All: Every step I take,  
Every move I make  
Every single day,  
Every time I pray  
I'll be missing you  
Thinking of the day,  
When you went away  
What a life to take,  
What a bond to break  
I'll be missing you

 

“Are you seriously doing this right now?” Kyle couldn't believe what he was seeing. They all hated him. He just couldn't understand it.

 

Stan: We miss you dude

 

 

Token: It's kinda hard with you not around  
Know you're in heaven smiling down  
Watching us while we pray for you  
Every day we pray for you  
'Til the day we meet again  
In my heart is where I'll keep you, friend  
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed  
Strength I need to believe

 

 

Butters: My thoughts, Eric, I just can't define  
Wish I could turn back the hands of time  
Us in the 6,  
Shop for new clothes and kicks  
You and me taking flicks  
causing trouble, you egging me on  
I still can't believe you're gone   
Give anything to hear half your breath  
I know you still living your life after death

All: Every step I take,  
Every move I make  
I miss you  
Every single day,  
Every time I pray  
I'll be missing you  
Thinking of the day,  
When you went away  
What a life to take,  
What a bond to break  
I'll be missing you

 

 

Heidi: Somebody tell me why, one dark morning. When this life is over, I know, I'll see your face.

 

Stan: Every night I pray,  
Every step I take  
Every move I make,  
Every single day

 

Every night I pray,  
Every step I take  
  


Craig: Every day that passes

  
Every move I make,  
Every single day

  
Tweek: Is a day that I get closer to seeing you again

 

Every night I pray,  
Every step I take

  
Butters: We miss you, Eric and we won't stop

  
Every move I make,  
Every single day

  
Token: Cause we can't stop, that's right

 

Every night I pray,  
Every step I take  
Every move I make,  
Every single day

  
Jimmy: W-w-we m-miss you, dude  
  
  


The parents and the teachers soon joined in for the last singing of the chorus. Kyle looked around, still too in shock to join in. He thought he was dreaming.

 

Every step I take,  
Every move I make  
I miss you  
Every single day,  
Every time I pray  
I'll be missing you  
Thinking of the day,  
When you went away  
What a life to take,  
What a bond to break  
I'll be missing you

 

The song ended, Wendy wrapped an arm around Heidi to comfort her. Stan and the group walked off stage. Everyone was silent now, taking a moment. Kyle eyeballed everyone “Really?”

 


	3. Five stages of grievance

“I'm telling you guys, Kyle is in total denial” Stan said to his friends. Token, Craig, Tweek and Kenny. They were all waiting in Stan's living room for Kyle to show so they could play in teams on the new call of duty game, since Stan was the only one that had it thus far.

 

“It's been like, four weeks” Craig replied in his usual bland tone

 

“He could be in denial forever!” Tweek said, twitching and pulling on his hair for dramatic effect.

 

Craig placed a hand on his shoulder “Calm down hun”

 

“But what if he never accepts it? Like- ever!”

 

Craig looked at Stan and then back at Tweek “He'll totally go into depression”

 

“Dude!” Stan's eyes widened for a moment before sinking into a frown “Kyle won't fall into depression”

 

“That's what Clyde's dad did. He never accepted the loss of his wife. Now he's depressed”

 

“Clyde's dad isn't depressed. He's probably trying to pick up a woman at the wine bar as we speak. Kenny saw him with a woman just last week”

 

“It's true” Kenny confirmed

 

“Oh” Craig said. He honestly didn't care really, he just wanted to play COD

 

“Besides. Cartman and Kyle weren't exactly friends. He's not going to fall depressed over this. He's just hung up on this whole faking shit”

 

Token then spoke “My Mum said that there are five stages of grieving”

 

“K. Let's hear them” Stan said, unsure if he even wanted to

 

“Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally. Acceptance”

 

Tweek threw his arms out “Geez, that's a lot of stages man”

 

Kenny looked at Stan and said “Kyle must be in stage one or two”

 

Stan looked down at his living room floor “It does make sense. But, if it were true; does that mean we've already accepted it?”

 

The group remained quiet for a moment, had they already accepted Eric Cartman's death? It had seemed like a long time ago now. They didn't even realise they had accepted it until just now. “I just wanted to play COD. Now I'm bummed out” Craig said, trying to accept Tweek's arm on his shoulders in what he assumed was comfort.

 

“No” Stan lightly pounded a fist on his palm “We're not doing this. Guilty is not an option. Just because of what happened, doesn't mean we can't enjoy the rest of our summer right?” Stan's forming smile faded when the rest of his friends remained quiet. “Right?” he sighed and sunk in his chair.

 

“What are we going to do about Kyle?” Kenny asked, just to break the awkward silence that had suddenly formed around them.

 

“I don't know. Token might be right, Kyle might be just going through the stages. We have to be there for him when he-”

 

“Hey dudes!” they all heard Kyle call out as the front door opened and then closed again. Kyle pratically ran up to them. “I got my controller. I'm ready to play COD” Kyle noticed the tension in the room. “What's going on? What were you guys talking about?”

 

“Erm. Nothing really, just-”

 

Craig then pointed at Stan “Stan was saying how you and Kyle could beat anyone at COD”

 

“I was? I mean, yeah I was”

 

“Then Token got all defensive and said he scored over a hundred head shots”

 

“Ok, I think he gets it”

 

“Of course me and Tweek are the best defense, you couldn't beat anyone without us”

 

“Craig!”

 

“What?”

 

“He gets it dude. Shut the hell up”

 

Craig frowned and then flipped him off

 

“Yeah you too. Butt wipe”

 

Kyle merely laughed as he began to set up his controller to Stan's console. “Stan isn't lying either. Remember when we totally thrashed everyone? You guys wouldn't believe it. We were on such a high that day” Kyle laughed again whilst he continued to make sure his controller worked. “I remember, cause Cartman was all like-” Kyle then froze, his hands still. “Like-”

 

Everyone glanced at each other, Stan got up from the couch. “Kyle?”

 

Kyle put his controller on the floor and said “Excuse me” as he then left the room.

 

They watched him walk out “Crap” Stan then quickly followed after his friend into the kitchen.

 

The rest of his friends proceeded to glare at Craig, as if he was completely to blame. Even Tweek was giving him a hard time, and he usually always sided with him. “You guys can't blame that on me. You'd have rather told Kyle that we think he's going through stages of bereavement and he'll most likely fall into depression? No, of course you wouldn't. None of you were coming up with a fake conversation. You guys suck, not my fault”

 

Their eyes roamed awkwardly toward different spots of the room. Obviously not knowing how to counter their friend's blunt words.

 

Stan stood in the kitchen, watching Kyle fumble around in his fridge. “Kyle? You ok dude? You sorta blanked mid-sentence in there”

 

“I'm cool Stan. I just figured we could use refreshments. Saying the fatass's name reminded me. Go figure huh? It's too bad he's so hung up on waiting around for me to admit something that I never will. He's missing out on some cool shit”

 

“Ye-ah. But if the cab didn't explode he'd be at his Grandma's by now anyway”

Kyle handed Stan a tray of soda's, completely ignoring what Stan had just said. It's like he had selective hearing. He wondered for a moment. Counting off in his head the five stages of what Token had said. Denial, anger, bargaining.... just what the hell did bargaining mean anyway? He made a mental note to look it up online later. The sound of clicking fingers snapped him out of his thoughts. “Huh?”

 

“Dude. Go take those into the living room” Kyle laughed “What were thinking about so hard?”

 

“Ya know. Planning our COD strategy”

 

“Stan, I'm not stupid” at first Stan thought he'd been busted until Kyle then said “We both know I'm the best strategy planner, there's no way I'm gonna let you do it” Stan breathed a sigh of relief and took the tray of drinks and snacks into the living room.

 

“He ok?” Kenny asked, taking a soda as soon as Stan put down the tray on the floor.

 

“Seems completely fine”

 

“ _Seems?_ ” Token asked

 

“At least on the outside”

 

Kyle soon came back into the living room “Ok guys. Let's play COD!”

 

“Finally” Craig sighed

 

“Just to clarify the teams. Me and Stan. Craig and Tweek. Kenny and Token?”

 

Everyone replied with a 'Yup'

 

“Let's do this” Stan said with a smile. They sat down comfortably in their pairs and just as Stan was about to set up the first map. They heard some sort of ringtone. “Shit. Hold on guys, that's my phone”

 

“Just ignore it” Kenny suggested

 

“Nah I can't. Mum said she was going to check in on me. If I don't answer she'll freak on me”

 

“Then hurry up and answer so we can play” Kyle said

 

“All right all right geez” Stan touched the answer button on his phone and held it close to his ear. “Hello? Yeah Mom, just hanging with the guys, we're about to play COD. She did?” They watched Stan's facial expression change from neutral, to thoughtful and then to a look of sadness within thirty seconds. “Yeah. ok....sure Mom” Stan disconnected the phone and his hand slowly descended to his side.

 

“What's up?” Token asked

 

“My mom said that ms Cartman called her and asked her if we could go over. She wants us to go through all of Cartman's room and decide what we should do with all the stuff. She said that his Mom is having a pretty hard time and figures we're the best ones for the job”

 

Kyle rolled his eyes, no one saw that so he put his controller down and stood up. “You're actually going?”

 

“Yeah dude. I said I would. It must be hard otherwise she wouldn't have asked us right?”

 

“Fine. I'll come with you. If only to prove once and for all that this is a set up”

 

“Whatever you say Kyle”

 

“I'll help too” Token said

  
“Me too” said Kenny

 

“We will too. Come on Craig” Tweek said.

 

They all headed for the front door. Leaving Craig sitting on the couch staring at a now blank tv screen. He sighed at it before finally getting up to follow his friends. “God damn it”

The boys soon reached the door of their friend's house. Nobody made any attempts to knock or open the door. “Well?” Kyle said, waiting for them

 

“It's been a while...” Stan said slowly, still staring at the door.

 

“Oh forgodsake” Kyle frowned and knocked on the door, a little more forceful then necessary. The door opened and Liane was standing there in her usual attire, her eyes were slightly red and puffy; obvious signs she'd been crying.

 

“Oh. Hello boys. Come on in”

 

“Hi ms Cartman” Stan greeted as he and the rest of his friends walked into the house.

 

Liane shut the door and sniffled into a tissue before she spoke. “Thank you for coming. I couldn't bring myself to even begin sorting out Eric's room. It felt a little too soon. But the doctor said it's the best way to move on”

 

“I guess so. We'll get started right away” Kyle said hastily,

 

Stan then grabbed his arm before he could go anywhere. “You shouldn't move on until you're ready. I mean, just because some doctor tells you to. If keeping Cartman's things helps you do that then you should”

 

“You really think so?” Liane said, tilting her head to the side

 

“Of course”

 

“Yeah but, Maybe he's right. If you continue to keep all his stuff; you'll never get rid of anything and then you'll never move on” Kyle said. The others watched the two sided argument go back and forth, they were pretty sure the two didn't have Liane's best interest in mind. Kyle wanted to clear Eric's room in hopes of finally proving his theory right. Stan wanted her to keep his stuff so he didn't have to spend the whole day doing so and not get to do what he had originally planned. Well, they were about 70% sure on that one.

 

Craig realising what their intentions were spoke up “I agree with Stan. You should do it when you're ready”

 

Kenny, not wanting to piss Kyle off more then he clearly seemed to be said “Kyle's right” he placed his hand on her knee “It's time”

 

“What? Kenny!” Stan was sure Kenny would be on his side. He wasn't exactly sure why though. He did catch the smug smirk on his friend Kyle's face, he knew Kyle's reasons. But he couldn't be mad at him. Kyle had a small relapse of judgement back at his house. He knew it. Even if it was only for a few seconds. He had seen it, as plain as day; they all had.

 

“What do you think Tweek?” Craig asked

 

Tweek was showing signs of being majorly uncomfortable. He pulled at his hair in his usual freak out manor. “No! That's way too much pressure man!”

 

Craig sighed, he should have known that would happen. He really had to stop putting him in that situation.

 

Token, feeling like he was the only neutral one in the group said “What do _you_ want to do ms Cartman?” Token's question slammed into them like a train. They'd been so busy trying to convince Liane for their own benefits, they hadn't stopped to think what she was feeling. They looked at each other in saddened guilt.

 

“If I don't do this now. I guess I never will. I knew I could count on you boys. Since you were Eric's good friends”

 

“Yeah. Sure” Stan said quickly. He wouldn't have exactly called them good friends. But what were you when you'd been through as much as they all had? That had to count for something. Friends maybe?

 

“You boys can keep anything you feel you'd like as a memory”

 

“Ms Cartman, I think it'd be much easier for all of us. If we just boxed everything up and gave it to needy children and charities” Kyle suggested.

 

Everyone stared in horror, of all the things to suggest in the world. Eric Cartman would never, ever give his stuff to charity.

 

Stan almost wanted to laugh, he probably would have, if not for the situation.

 

Kenny was sweating with the sudden pressure of keeping in his giggles.

 

Tweek twitched and grunted. _They can't give away Cartman's stuff to charity! He'd haunt us for the rest of our lives! Oh man._

 

Craig looked at Tweek, he was pretty sure he could _hear_ his thoughts they were so damn loud. He didn't overly care what they did, anything they did seemed wrong to him. But he didn't want to get scolded again by his friends so he decided he'd just keep his mouth shut this time.

 

“I don't think Eric would have liked that Kyle. He was a bit- erm....on the selfish side....at times”

 

Kyle gave a mock shocked expression “No! Really?”

 

Stan nudged him hard in the ribs “Stop being a dick” he whispered

 

Kyle nudged him back “I'm not being a dick. You're being a dick”

 

“If it'll make it easier on you, I suppose it would be best”

 

“It is. I mean, it will” Kyle stammered over his words

 

“Thank you boys. Eric always said you guys were assholes. But I suppose he did like to overreact a lot” the boys looked on in shock. Liane looked so serious when she said it. They wasn't sure how to reply.

 

“Erm. Thanks?” Stan finally replied

 

Liane then sighed and choked up again “I'll be In the kitchen if you need me. You'll find a lot of empty boxes upstairs all ready in my Eric's room”

 

“We'll be sure to go through it all with complete respect” Token said as he frowned at his friends “Won't we?”

 

They shuffled their feet uncomfortably before replying in unison “Of course. Yeah”

 

Liane then left them at the bottom of the stairs and made her way into the kitchen. “Ok, lets get this over with” Stan said as he stepped onto the first step. It felt like the longest trudge of his life, it seemed like the stairs were getting longer with every small stride he took. He'd heard of a neverending corridor, but a neverending staircase? It wasn't until Kyle pushed him forward that he realised.

 

“Dude, what the hell is taking so long? Hurry up” He hadn't even started climbing the stairs. Oh. Perfect. He was spacing again. He checked this time, ok, they were definitely moving now.

 

They all stood in the doorway of Eric's room. It felt wrong, just standing there. Being there, knowing he never could again.

 

“Ok Cartman! We're clearing out all your stuff!” Kyle shouted into the room. They looked at him and then waited for nothing to happen. “We're giving it all to charities!” Kyle waited some more. “Needy children are going to get everything you own!” when Kyle realised nothing was going to happen, he saw that his friends were staring at him. He frowned and then said “We should all take a section each” as he was the first one to enter the room completely. The rest soon followed him and reluctantly started to take a section of the room.

 

* * *

 

 

It was four in the afternoon. By now they had boxed up all of Eric's clothes and forgotten toys from his closet. They'd binned what they had deemed as 'pointless keeping'. All that remained was his computer, whatever was in his desk draws and the stuff under his bed. Kyle took it upon himself to clear out the stuff from the under the bed. He pulled out a box and lifted the lid up. He smiled when he pulled out a book with a lock. “Guys check it out. We should totally go through this”

 

Stan looked up for a moment “Dude That's his diary. Don't be an asshole” he said as he started checking the desk draws.

 

“Yeah. You should just throw it away” Token said

 

“But-” Kyle sighed in annoyance before turning around. He glanced back over his shoulder, he then shoved the diary in his coat while they weren't looking. He then smiled when he found the key in the box and shoved that in his pocket.

 

“Guys look” Stan then said as he pulled a red folder out from the bottom draw.

 

“What is it?” Craig asked as everyone except Kyle stopped what they were doing and crowded behind Stan.

 

“I think it's a photo album”

 

“Right. Like Cartman is that sentimental” Kyle said as he rolled his eyes with a snorted laugh

 

Stan opened the first page “Dude. It really is a photo album”

 

Kyle whipped round and quickly made his way over to them. He looked over Kenny's shoulder to confirm it was true. “No way”

 

Stan began to flip through the pages. There were quite a few of the four of them, messing around and playing. Some were grouped photos of their other friends. They laughed at two of the photo's, which were of Kyle; trying to block the lens. Clearly not wishing to be photographed by Eric of all people. As they skipped to the end, there were class photos. Right from preschool to the fourth grade. “Wow. I wasn't expecting to see that in here”

 

“Me either” Kenny replied

 

“Guess he was less heartless then we thought” Craig said

 

“We should give that to his mom” Tweek said

 

“Good idea” Stan replied and placed it to one side.

 

* * *

 

 

They stood back in the door way, the room now void of anything except for the bed. Boxes lay stacked in the hallway landing. No trace that their friend Eric Cartman was ever there. Stan held the photo album in his left hand, his right hovering over the door handle. “Goodbye dude” he said as he shut the door.

 

Kyle couldn't do anything apart from place his hand on Stan's shoulder. He felt it was a moment that he shouldn't voice his opinions; it really did seem like it should be the final closing chapter. (pardon the pun lol) Kyle resisted rolling his eyes again and followed Stan and the others downstairs. He was damn sure his fat friend was going to come out of his hiding spot right then. _You're really going out of your way this time, aren't you Cartman?_

 

The boys made their way into the kitchen. “We're all done ms Cartman” Token said

 

Liane turned around and held out a plate “Would you like some of this powered donut pancake surprise? It was one of Eric's favourites”

 

They shared awkward glances. Soon realising she had obviously been cooking the entire time they were up there. There was plates of food covering the kitchen counter tops. They all came to the same idea. It was definitely time for them to leave. “No thanks. We erm, we have to go now” Stan spoke, his friends unable to find any words to form. Liane placed the plate on one of the few gaps remaining

 

“All righty then”

“We found this in Cartman's room. It's a photo album, we thought you might like to keep it”

 

“I can't thank you enough boys. Are you sure you don't want some dessert?”

 

“We got dinner waiting at home so....”

 

“Take care now” Token said quickly. They all hurried out of the house just as quick and shut the door behind them before letting out the surprised breath they'd been holding.

 

“Well, that was incredibly freaky” Kyle admitted

 

“I think she's in the depressed stage” Kenny said before Stan punched him on the arm

 

“Kenny! Shh”

 

Kyle tilted his head “What?”

 

“Nothing” Stan began to steer Kyle in the direction of his house. “Let's go and play COD now. There's still a lot of time left”

 

“Actually. I promised my Mum I'd be home for dinner” Kyle stretched his arms up, faking a yawn. “And all that clearing out stuff has made me tired. Let's play tomorrow”

 

“But- whose going to be my partner in crime?”

 

“You'll figure something out. I'll see you tomorrow ok?” Kyle walked the opposite way and they watched him disappear around the corner.

 

“Dammit. Well there's no point in me playing if Kyle isn't. I'll see you guys tomorrow. We can play then” Stan then left

 

The four remaining looked at each other “This won't be any fun now. I think I'll wait until tomorrow, see ya guys” Token said and then he too left.

 

Now there was an odd number again. Kenny merely stared at his two other friends and left without a word.

 

Craig and Tweek looked at each other. Craig could see the other boy's head ticking over. “You wanna leave too don't you?” Tweek just gave him an innocent smile, then gave him an awkward hug and left. Craig sighed, placed his hands in his pockets and began to make his way home.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After spending time with his family, eating dinner and watching tv in the living room. He was finally alone, everyone else had retired to bed and the house was quiet. Kyle sat crossed legged on his bed, the only light coming from his bedside lamp. The diary sat on the top of his covers in front of him. When he first found the diary he couldn't wait to see what kind of embarrassing things could be in there. Now that he was alone, he stared at the book with hesitation. He thought back to the photo album, wondering if maybe, just maybe he should respect Eric's privacy. His fingers drummed on his knees. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to know what was written in there. Given how mentally screwed up his friend could be. Kyle frowned at the diary and then said “Ah screw it” he picked up the key and unlocked the pad lock tossing both to one side as he opened the first page. **I HATE KYLE** was written on the very first page. He turned to the second, third, fourth. He seemed to get angrier with every page until he finally filtered through them. **I HATE KYLE I HATE KYLE I HATE KYLE.** On every single damn fucking page. Kyle yelled and threw the book at his far wall. “God damn it!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if it seemed like this chapter dragged a bit. I was trying to lighten up the mood a little. I hope this was an ok chapter and I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. :) 
> 
> Just to clarify, I've not really played COD before. I would have gone into more depth of them playing the game but I wouldn't know how. I figured it'd be funnier that they never even got to play it. Plus I didn't want to steer away from the story-line too much :)


	4. When I see you again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to make it so that Chef was still alive. There was so much going on in the funeral part that I realized I hadn't wrote him in yet. Just clarifying that he isn't dead in this story :)

#It's been a long day, without you my friend#

 

Kyle stirred to the sound of what could only be music coming from his alarm clock radio. Call him old fashioned, he knew most kids just woke up to their ipods. He preferred it this way, it seemed to suit him better. He lay there for a while, staring at the ceiling.

 

 

#I'll tell you all about it when I see you again#

 

 

The boy sighed, letting the words of the song playing wash over him. He frowned as he sat up and shut the radio off. He couldn't deal with that sort of depressing music today. He'd had a good summer, really, he had. He'd spent most of his time with Stan and Kenny, they'd get together with the other group of their friends once a week. Of course, he knew they were trying to take his mind off of a certain someone. He knew they were getting pretty tired of his constant bitching about Eric faking his death. He'd stopped, eventually; about a week after they'd cleared their friend's room.

 

He figured his friends were glad that he'd finally stopped, it wasn't doing anyone any good. Whether he still wasn't convinced or not, Kyle had given up trying to be; if only so he could at least try and enjoy the rest of his summer.

 

He got up from the bed and rummaged through his draws for clothes. It was the first day back at school, that always sucked. But this time, he knew it was going to suck way more then any normal first day. Kyle knew. Of course he knew, he wasn't stupid. Even he could realise when he was wrong. He hadn't admitted it, he just couldn't admit it. Because admitting it would make it true now wouldn't it?

 

“Kyle! Are you up? You don't wanna be late on the first day back!” he heard his mother call from downstairs.

 

He rolled his eyes before replying “Yeah ma! I'm almost ready!”

 

He made his way into the bathroom and shut the doo r behind him.

 

 

 

 

Once he was done, he made his way downstairs and into the kitchen where Ike was already eating his chocolate hoops. Kyle sat down at the table just as his Mum placed two waffles in front of him. Kyle immediately poured a generous amount of syrup over them and dug in. He was almost on his second waffle **Don't forget about me Kahl** Kyle startled so much that he dropped his fork on the floor and almost fell out of his chair. Sheila turned around from making eggs, his dad stared over at him from his newspaper. “What happened? Are you ok Kyle?” his mother asked him, obvious concern written on her face.

 

“Um yeah – I-I'm fine. I just realised, I guess I'm not as hungry as I thought” Kyle jumped off the chair and quickly grabbed his bag from beside him off the floor and started toward the archway of the kitchen. “I'm just gonna head to school, I don't wanna be late. See you guys!”

 

“But Kyle-” Sheila began before she realised he was gone “Oh. Never mind”

 

“It'll be a tough day for him I should expect” his dad said as he flicked to the next page of his paper.

 

“Oy. My poor little bauby”

 

 

 

Kyle walked toward the bus stop, he smiled when he saw Stan and Kenny already there. He began to slow the closer he got to them, his heart almost plunged when he noticed how much of a gap there was between his two friends. It was obvious they couldn't bring themselves to close the gap by just standing next to each other.

 

It was going to be weird the first week, without Eric there to bitch at them or rip on them. They wouldn't get into half as much trouble as they used to when he was around. _Huh_ Kyle thought _things might actually be normal from now on._ He stood next to Stan, on the left side, like he usually did. Ever so slightly glancing at the empty space. “Hey dudes”

 

“Hey Kyle, ready for the first day back?” Stan and Kenny caught him looking at the gap, where their friend once stood. Kyle quickly looked to the front, he had no hope of covering that up. “I hope we don't get homework right away. That would suck so hard”

 

“I know right? But I don't think the teacher is that bad, better then Garrison anyways”

 

“Well, at least Garrison was honest, brutally honest, but still”

 

“I guess that's true. But at least we don't get as much homework”

 

“That is always a bonus”

 

Kenny laughed with his friends and casually stepped closer to Stan “No you can't!” Kenny froze and they stared at him in shock.

 

“Kyle?”

 

“I just-I mean. Don't, at-at least not yet ok?”

 

Kenny moved slowly back to his spot, he shared a look with Stan. That one moment, they had come to the same conclusion. Kyle had finally begun to realise the truth. Eric Cartman was gone.

 

 

 

The bus stopped outside of the school and all the kids filed off begrudingly. No one liked coming back to school after such a long break. The three boys were almost the last to head into the building. To their right however, they spotted a bench; they were sure it hadn't been there before. Walking up to it, they came to notice it was a memorial bench. A grey plaque with a gold rim was nailed to the top. In gold writing read:

REST IN PEACE

WE'LL MISS YOU

ERIC THEODORE CARTMAN

 

“Whoa dude” Stan said “Talk about hitting you with reality on the first day back”

 

“Yeah” Kenny replied frowning at the bench

 

“Stan?” Kyle started

 

“Yeah?”

 

“He's never coming back is he?”

 

Stan looked at his best friend, the rest of them had passed this side of mourning. Kyle had taken so long to finally accept the truth, that he was delayed in this. But he'd be there for him regardless, it seemed to have hurt Kyle; hit him in a different way. Maybe he was upset that he'd been wrong? Wishing for once that he hadn't been. Stan didn't reply to Kyle, and thankfully the ginger haired boy didn't seem to care. The two made their way into the building, leaving Kenny still staring at the bench.

 

“I never get a fucking bench!” he groaned and then huffed as he too entered the school.

 

 

 

“Ok students. Welcome back to school, you can all take your seats” Mrs Nelson greeted them as her students entered her classroom. She wrote a few key history sentences on the board while they all took their normal seats. “Now I realise this first day back might especially feel a little strange to some of you” The three friends share glances at each other while their other friends merely stared down at their desks. “Because of this, I won't be pushing you too much; we'll begin light. Just to ease you back in”

 

“Phew, thank god dude” Stan whispered, Kenny and Kyle nod in agreement

 

“Mr Mackey also wanted me to let you know that he'll be available all day encase any of you want to talk” she walked behind her desk and removed a text book from her draw and set it down in front of her. “Ok, before we begin; we've got a new student joining us. Please make him feel welcome” as if on cue the door opened. Kyle sat upright, half expecting Eric to come through, with that openly loud laugh of his. Telling everyone how much they were so fucking gullible. Especially _Kahl._ But that didn't happen of course. Instead, a slim half cast kid with dark short hair came in. He wore a blue coat and black trousers with a red scarf lazily around his neck. Kyle slouched In disappointment, he was seriously going to lose his mind by the end of this day.

 

The kid introduced himself as Levi Inesh and he was told to then take a seat. Kyle watched as Levi made his way over and sat in the empty seat inbetween him and Stan. He looked over and smiled at Kyle, who was glaring at him by now. “Hello. What's your name?”

 

Kyle didn't answer him, at least not the immediate question. Instead he whispered “You can't sit there”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I just said you can't butthole”

 

“But it's an empty seat, it's the only empty seat actually”

 

Stan turned when he caught the whispered argument, he then leaned over “Our friend used to sit there is all new kid”

 

“Oh, is he absent then? I'll make sure I move seats when he comes back”

 

Stan slapped his forehead, Kyle's eyes grew wide with anger and he yelled “Don't fucking sit there!”

 

There was a gasp from the rest of the students as all eyes were now on Kyle

“Holy. Fuck” Kenny mumbled

 

“Kyle!” the teacher called him out, Kyle came down from his sudden outburst. Covering his mouth with both gloved hands. “Is there a problem young man?”

 

“N-no. I'm ok”

 

“Kyle, if this is about-”

 

“No! No, it's cool Mrs Nelson. He can sit there” Kyle didn't know what the hell came over him. First the bus stop, now this. “Sorry dude” he then said more quietly as the startled new boy sat back down again.

 

 

 

 

Lunch seemed to take a long time to reach them, but they finally made their way into the noisy crowded room of the cafeteria. Almost everyone seemed to have more or less forgotten the incident that had occurred at the beginning of the day. Much to Kyle's relief, except now Stan and Kenny constantly kept staring at him, watching him. As if waiting to see when he was going to snap next; damn them bastards.

 

 

The boys made their way to the front of the lunch line. Greeted by their adult friend and school Chef. “Hey Chef” they greeted as usual in unison, although a little more solemn.

 

“Hello there children” he said, almost mimicking their tone. “How's it going?”

 

“Bad” they replied

 

He didn't need to ask 'why bad' “Yeah. I know children. I know. How Ya'll holding up on your first day back?”

 

“Ok I guess” Stan said as they waited for their food.

 

“Kyle already yelled at the new kid” Kenny piped in, he actually found it pretty funny.

 

“Dude!”

 

“Yeah. I heard about that. What happened?”

 

“No big deal. I had a moment of- I had a moment. I'm good now” Kyle explained rather poorly.

 

“You can't fucking sit there!” Kenny mimicked his friend with a laugh

 

“Shut up Kenny!” he followed after Kenny as they grabbed their trays and went to find their seats.

 

Chef looked back at Stan “Kyle sort of freaked out a little when the new kid sat in the seat Cartman used to sit in. He'll be fine” Stan quickly relayed, grabbed his own try of food and then rushed off to find his friends.

 

Chef stared after him “Damn. Those crackers will be the death of me”

 

 

 

The bell rang. Signalling the end of the school day. The students were relieved they'd made it through once again. The halls became flooded with kids as they rushed to get to their lockers, grab their bags and practically run from the building.

 

 

Kyle was in the middle of opening his locker when Stan and Kenny made their way toward him. They'd been the last to leave their lesson so the halls were quiet now. “Hey Kyle” Stan greeted, leaning against the locker next to his friend's. “Me and Kenny are heading to whistling Willie's, you coming?”

 

Kyle stopped turning the dial on his locker to address his friends. “Actually guys. I need to be somewhere. There's something I need to do”

 

As if they didn't already know. Stan smiled lightly; placing a hand on his shoulder for a couple of seconds. “You sure you don't wanna come?”

 

“Nah. It's cool. I think it's time, ya know?”

 

“Yeah. Well, you know when to find us”

 

“Sure dude, thanks”

 

“Bye bye” Kenny's muffled farewell came about cheerfully. He was getting free food, who wouldn't be cheerful?

 

Kyle smiled, letting out a small laugh and continued to open his locker. Once opened, he reached in to pull his bag out, slinging it over one shoulder. Just as he was about to close it again, he caught the photo that stuck on the inside of the door. It was their fourth grade class photo. Kyle had stuck the photo in there after they'd broken all of Eric's devices and practically forced him to quit twitter. No one really ever noticed it, and now he'd have a more plausable excuse, if only to himself, rather then feeling guilty. “I'll tell you all about it when I see you again” Kyle sang quietly and then shut the door. He exited the school, taking a quick glance at the memorial bench before pressing play on his ipod and drowning out any other noise as he placed both earpieces in.

 

# It's been a long day without you, my friend  
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again  
We've come a long way from where we began  
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again  
When I see you again  
(Hey)  
  
Damn, who knew?  
All the planes we flew  
Good things we've been through  
That I'll be standing right here talking to you  
'Bout another path  
I know we loved to hit the road and laugh  
But something told me that it wouldn't last  
Had to switch up  
Look at things different, see the bigger picture  
Those were the days  
Hard work forever pays  
Now I see you in a better place (see you in a better place)  
  
Uh  
How can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?  
Everything I went through you were standing there by my side  
And now you gon' be with me for the last ride  
  
It's been a long day without you, my friend  
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again (I see you again)  
We've come a long way (yeah, we came a long way) from where we began (you know we started)  
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again (let me tell you)  
When I see you again  
  
(Aah oh, aah oh  
Wooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)  
Yeah  
  
First you both go out your way  
And the vibe is feeling strong  
And what's small turn to a friendship  
A friendship turn to a bond  
And that bond will never be broken  
The love will never get lost (and the love will never get lost)  
And when brotherhood come first  
Then the line will never be crossed  
Established it on our own  
When that line had to be drawn  
And that line is what we reach  
So remember me when I'm gone (remember me when I'm gone)  
  
How can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?  
Everything I went through you were standing there by my side  
And now you gon' be with me for the last ride  
  
So let the light guide your way, yeah  
Hold every memory as you go  
And every road you take, will always lead you home, home  
  
It's been a long day without you, my friend  
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again  
We've come a long way from where we began  
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again  
When I see you again  
  
(Aah oh)  
(Uh)  
(Aah oh)  
(Yeah)  
(Wooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)  
(Ya, ya)  
When I see you again  
(Uh)  
See you again  
(Wooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)  
(Yeah, yeah, uh-huh)  
When I see you again #

 

 

 

 

“Hey Cartman” Kyle said as he stood on the green grass, staring at the grey slab of his friend's tombstone. “Been a while huh?” Kyle placed his hands in his pockets. Half of him thought this was completely ridiculous. The other half felt it necessary, he knew himself he needed this. “I yelled at a half cast kid today. Cursed him out just because he sat in your god damn empty seat” Kyle laughed. “You'd have probably applauded me. Kenny thought the whole thing was totally hilairious. I thought the kid was going to crap his pants” his hands came out of his pockets again, he just didn't know what to do with them; let alone himself. “You know I didn't believe it. At least not for a long time. I kept telling everyone that this was fake, that you were just doing this shit to fuck with my head. Like you always do”

 

“I guess today was the last proof I needed” Kyle placed a box of cheesy poofs on the ground. “You weren't at school today” His voice began to crack. “I know now that you won't be ever again” Kyle sank to his knees. Tears now falling silently down his face. “It fucking sucks ok? I miss you....I admit it. I miss you and it fucking sucks!” Kyle buried his face in his hands. Crying silently. He was alone, so who cared? This was inevitable in the end, he knew it; it was only a matter of time.

 

 

“Ha! I told you so Kahl” Kyle's head shot up from his hands. Was it him, or was that way too real to be a voice in his head? He was almost too scared to look round behind him. He stood up first, almost shakily. When he turned round, he nearly fell backwards. Who should be standing there, but Eric fucking Cartman. Kyle couldn't believe his eyes, they were still damp from his tears. He had to blink a couple of times, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

 

“Cartman?”

 

“Miss me?” Eric smirked lightly

 

“Jesus Christ dude! You're alive! You're actually alive” not exactly what he was expecting. Eric almost couldn't move as Kyle grabbed his shoulders in a happy manner. It was then he realised Kyle was too upset to actually grasp what was going on. Kyle stared for a second, falling silent. He then saw the other boy's smirk deepen and reality kicked him hard. Kyle let go of his shoulders, his hands falling to his sides. “Have you been alive, all this time?”

 

Eric snorted, was he serious? “Well I didn't just crawl out of the fucking ground Kahl!”

 

Then anger set in motion in Kyle's eyes, his fists clenched. “You fucking son of a bitch” he couldn't even yell. He was too angry to yell.

 

“You admitted it. You missed me, I told you so Jew”

 

Nevermind, he was _not_ too angry. Kyle launched himself at Eric, grabbing fists full of his red coat. “Do you have any idea what you fucking you did!? Are you out of your mind!?”

 

“Whoa Kyle. Calm down” Eric began to think maybe, just _maybe_ he'd gone too far this time.

 

“Calm down!? Everyone in south park thinks you're dead!” Kyle's hands left Eric as they flailed about “Your Mum watched your coffin go into the fucking Earth! Do you not even care the slightest bit about that!? Our friends dedicated a song to you!”

 

“Yeah I saw. That was pretty fucking sweet”

 

Kyle could only stare at him in disbelief, then the anger came back. “You were there!? At your own funeral!? You don't see a problem with that!?” his fists were back.

 

Eric tried to shake him off “Kyle listen!”

 

“This is by far the very worst thing you have ever done! I actually believed that you would never go this far, in the end”

 

Eric calmed almost instantly for a moment “Really? The very worst?”

 

Kyle was about ready to burst a vain “You faked your own death!”

 

“Sort of”

 

This could not be happening right? Someone could not be that fucking cruel and that fucking stupid. “Sort of? How can you sort of fake your own death!?” when an answer didn't come straight away Kyle walked away. “I'm going to tell everyone exactly the truth and I hope you get shunned and get your ass kicked. Because I swear to god I will be the one laughing and telling everyone I told you so”

 

Eric ran after him, making a grab for his hand. “Kyle wait!”

 

“Fuck off fatass. You are on your own! Not even your mum will defend you” Eric grabbed Kyle's coat but the jewish boy yanked himself free.

 

“Kyle I swear, just hear me out! Let me explain”

 

“You don't get to play victim Cartman! And why the hell would I listen to you!”

 

Eric stopped “Because no one will listen to you!” Then Kyle suddenly stopped, without turning round. “You spent a long time trying to convince them I wasn't dead right?” Kyle turned to face him then. “Two months is a long time. Everyone knows you've accepted it now, at least that's what I'm guessing; I'm a little sketchy on what's actually happened. But I can put enough together to make a good theory”

 

“You're fucking unbelievable”

 

“If you go down and start running your Jew mouth off about me faking it again. I'll just disappear. I've done it once already”

 

“I hate you. I hate you with every tiny little fibre in my fucking body. You sadistic asshole”

 

“As long as you hear me out first”

 

Kyle glared at him for a long moment. Eric didn't deserve to be heard. But he was just found mourning and shedding tears by that very person. If only to keep a shred of his dignity, Kyle took a calm breath before replying “You have thirty minutes”

 

Eric sighed in relief, hiding a smirk. “Ok. Here's what happened.....”

 

 


	5. Truth and betrayal

“ _So we just have to avoid playing with Butters this summer” Stan said to Kenny and Kyle. They nodded with a smile._

 

“ _It's not Butters!”_

 

“ _It's Butters” Kyle said, laughing a little._

 

“ _Screw you guys, I'ma going to Grandma's” Eric got into the cab, slamming the door._

 

“ _Bye poopsykins! See you soon” Lianne waved as the cab began to pull out of the driveway._

 

_**Eric sat back in the cab, frowning and gritting his teeth. “God I hate those guys” he started fishing around in his back pack. “Think you can like step on it. It's a fucking long way there, the quicker you drive this piece of shit the better”** _

 

“ _ **Si k”**_

 

“ _ **A mexican” Eric mumbled under his breath “Couldn't get any more cliché then that” he continued to search in his back pack “God damn it where is it, I know I put it in here”**_

 

“ _ **Hey, smell that?”**_

 

“ _ **Yes dude, it smells like piss. All these third class cabs do; would it kill you to use a little air freshner?”**_

“ _ **No! Smell gas. Gas! Get out the car! Get out!”**_

 

“ _ **What!?”**_

 

“ _ **Gas!”**_

 

“ _ **Jesus Christ!” Eric grabbed the handle of the door “It won't open!” he tried again and began to panic “God damn it! I knew a mexican would be the death of me”**_

 

“ _ **Try window”**_

 

“ _ **It would help if the car weren't still moving dick hole” Eric unwound the window, happy that it worked. With a tight squeeze he jumped out just as the car exploded, sending him flying into the bushes among the sidewalk. Eric rubbed his forhead, turning in shock, staring at the flames. He was one lucky fucker right now. “Aww, all my best snacks were in there” he whined. His hearing then picked up the sound of his mother's cries. He peered over the bush.**_

 

“ _Eric!! noooo!! My baby! Eric!!”_

 

_**He was about to run out and tell her that he was ok, that he'd made it out before the crappy cab blew up. Then something else caught his attention and he quickly ducked behind the bush again.** _

 

“ _Cartman!!” Stan was shook out of his own surprise when he heard his best friend. He grabbed onto Kyle in an effort to stop him from running toward the explosion. “Eric!”_

 

_**Eric stared at the scene by his house, his friends looked horrified and- was that fear? Kyle was yelling his name, his name! Eric smirked, interesting. He hadn't meant for this, but it was way better then his other plan. He didn't have much choice now anyways, since everything he had planned was in that damn cab.** _

 

“Wait a minute” Kyle stopped Eric mid story. “You watched your Mom fall apart in front of you and you didn't say anything?”

 

“I told you, I saw the reaction it caused in you. I figured it was my best shot at still seeing if I could get you to admit that you missed me. What better chance was there then to pretend I was dead? It was perfect. It was likely you wouldn't admit you missed me if I was only gone like two months. But if I happen to be 'dead' I knew you'd have realized it eventually” Kyle couldn't believe it “Took you long enough though. Jesus, I thought I was gonna starve to death”

 

For a split second, it was noticable that Eric had lost a small bit of weight. He'd obviously not been able to eat like an animal like normal if he had to remain out of sight. But fuck it, Kyle was so angry with him, the boy didn't deserve that recognition. “Was Butters your spy?”

 

Eric laughed “That's your question?”

 

“Was it Butters?”

 

“It doesn't matter, the plan went to shit when the cab blew up” Eric stretched out and made himself comfortable, sitting down on the grass and leaning up against 'his tombstone' something about that just felt wrong. Kyle inwardly shivered.

 

“So then what?” Kyle frowned. He could tell Eric wasn't finished yet, the clever shit would drag it out as long as he could; especially since he'd been right all along.

 

_**Eric hid up inside the large tree near Kyle's house. Damn it he longed for a comfortable bed, his bed. This was one of the most exhausting plans he had ever come up with. He just hoped the branch didn't give out. Eric watched as Kyle got into his bed, he couldn't see much since the only light was coming from the nightstand. Of course he wasn't expecting anything this soon, it was only the second night since he'd 'died' he knew he had a long wait ahead. It'd be worth it, just to see that look on Kyle's face.** _

 

_**Eric startled awake, he'd nodded off and almost fell out of the tree. He breathed a sigh of relief, coming down from his scare. That would have totally sucked. Eric looked down at the ground, it wasn't overly high up; still, he'd rather not find out just how far up. He looked into Kyle's room, the Jew was already gone. “Damn it” he cursed himself for falling asleep. He carefully climbed down the tree and made sure no one was around before going to find the others; sneaking around a mountain town such as south park was harder then it looked.** _

 

 

* * *

 

 

“ _ **Now I know how Kenny feels” Eric mumbled as he sat up in the tree, he'd only managed to steal a cake bar and a soda can from his fridge before his Mom came back. She had barely been shopping since the incident, there wasn't much in the fridge and she was almost always home now. “Kyle better hurry up, I'm fucking starving”**_

 

** _He heard a car pull up outside, he couldn't see who it was from his position. All he could hear were muffled voices, too far away to hear them. He continued to watch Kyle, leaning forward when the boy picked something up from his desk. He could see it was a frame, he tried to remember what photo was in the frame. It had been a while since he'd been in Kyle's room._ _Eric sat up again when he watched Kyle walk to the door. He rolled his eyes, Stan._ **

 

_**He watched as the two conversed, he wished he was better at lip reading. He noticed that Stan was dressed in a suit. Of course! It must be the day of the funeral. “Not like I have anything better to do” Eric said quietly to himself. He noticed the two in the room seemed to be having some sort of disagreement. He rolled his eyes again as they mellowed and Stan softened his expression. “Get a fucking room you guys, You're so gay”** _

 

_**Stan then left the room and Eric watched with a little awkwardness as Kyle dressed into his suit. He was spying on Kyle but he wasn't a stalker, so he at least gave the Jew privacy and made his way down from the tree. As he understood it, Kyle obviously didn't intend on going to his funeral, the asshole. But as it were, if Stan was going; no doubt Kyle would go eventually.** _

 

 

* * *

 

 

_**Luckily the cemetary wasn't that far away, Eric remained hidden; though it was a lot harder when there were so many people. He was almost touched, he didn't think this many would attend. Though he figured they probably showed just to spite him, even if he was 'dead' they were most likely there to fucking celebrate. He didn't hear much celebrating though, as he observed the funeral from the shadows behind a large stone a few feet away. He saw his ex girlfriend there, she looked pretty sad too. “Sweet, she's so not over me” he was surprised to see the president/Mr Garrison there. “The fuck? Like that's gonna help his approval ratings”** _

 

_**He was beginning to get bored as he waited, how long was he suppose to stand there? They hadn't even started yet. He overheard Garrison's conversation with Kyle, what a dick. He smirked to himself when Kyle stammered over not being happy about the situation. It wasn't enough though, Eric wanted the whole thing; he wanted to hear the exact words: I miss you.** _

 

_**Finally, the funeral began. It should have been a disturbing experience, witnessing your own funeral. But he was Eric Cartman, he had killed a boy's parents and fed their hacked up bodies to him. It would take more then that to disturb him. He watched as his mother stood in front of the podium, beside his small sized coffin.** _

 

“ _I want to thank you all for being here. I know my boy Eric would love-” she sniffled a little, trying to keep it together. “Would love to have seen this”_

 

“ _ **Damn fucking straight I would”**_

 

“ _I know that a lot of people were often mad at him. I know that he did a lot of bad things to people. There were times when even I was often mad. But he was always trying to better himself. In some way or another; Despite his more then obnoxious behaviour”_

 

_**Eric's smirk disappeared whilst he watched his mother pour her heart out. Wow, she really did miss him; he had no idea how much she actually cared about him. He knew she cared, but he figured with how spoilt he acted she wouldn't be as sad as she was now.** _

 

“ _Eric was a unique boy. I know what people thought of him. But he was just like any child really. He played, he had adventures, had friends, cried when he was sad, got angry. I used to be judged for being too leniant with Eric. But there are many of us who think their child is a saint, when often he gets into trouble”_

 

“ _ **Fuck yeah, you tell em Mom”**_

 

“ _He was my baby boy” Liane was crying now, she placed a hand on the casket. “You're at peace now sweetheart. Eric, I love you. Go be with God”_

 

“ _ **Everyone's all super sad, that's totally awesome”**_

 

_**Eric huffed, he'd been standing behind the stone for almost an hour. “God I'm fucking starving, if they don't hurry up I really will die” he slumped against the stone, who knew his own funeral would be so boring.** _

 

“ _All right! That's enough. Come on Cartman! I think this has gone far enough”_

 

_**Eric perked up at the sound of that all too familiar voice, he peered around the stone, smirking. “You wish Kahl”** _

 

“ _Come on out! I know you're there! You can't fool me. Waiting for me to spew a bunch of nice crappy things about you. It's not gonna happen asshole. I don't buy it, you hear me?”_

 

_**Eric covered his mouth to stop himself from laughing “God he's so lame, this is so funny”** _

 

“ _Let everyone see, see that you're just playing one of your massive cruel jokes. Tell all these people that obviously care just a little bit, enough to be here. That this was all a rouse to get back at me, to try and get me to admit something I never will”_

 

“ _ **Sorry, but it's not time just yet Jew, you will not get your way this time. You will admit you missed me, and when you do; I'll be waiting” Eric watched Stan pull Kyle away from the podium. Mr Mackey came back on and said some other stuff the boy wasn't interested in. Then his classmates came up and a song began to play. Eric drummed his fingers to the beat and the words, miming them as they sang. “They're totally bummed out” he placed a finger on his chin in thought. “Hmm, I wonder if that makes them hypocrites? Since they didn't give two shits when they knew I was alive” after a few more seconds in thought he shrugged. “Ah, who cares anyway. I don't give a fuck about them either”**_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_**Eric was silently following Kyle to Stan's house. He was munching on some cheesy poofs he'd managed to buy from a vending machine.. He couldn't risk going to his house anymore, his Mum was almost always home now and always in the damn kitchen. He began to notice his small weight loss, he didn't like it; he was fucking starving. Sure, he probably looked a little better, and he did feel slightly healthier. But he was beginning to think his plan was a bad idea, it had been four weeks. What if Kyle never admitted it? Eric figured he would admit it by the end of summer. There was only a month left, what if he took longer then that? What if it was a year? Two years? It was also getting harder to track him. He was almost physically exhausted. But he'd go on, how ever long it took, he'd do it.** _

 

_**As they neared Stan's house Eric spotted a moving van and stopped behind a wall. He peered out from beside it, forgetting about following Kyle for now; he was only going to Stan's to play the new call of duty anyways, with the rest of their friends. Eric figured that if Kyle was going to say something about missing him, he'd never do it while the others were around. This gave him a break, he could certainly use one.** _

 

_**He observed the family moving in a little while longer. Noting that there was a woman with dark long hair wearing a purple dress, a man with short curly hair wearing a blue suit. They were both half cast. Then he spotted the boy, he was about his own age and would most likely be placed in his class. Since the boy had only just moved to South Park, he wouldn't know about any of the recent events that had happened.** _

 

_**Eric carefully made his way in between the houses across the road. He ducked behind a bush and waited. The parents were too busy unloading the van, but he couldn't risk them seeing him either. He couldn't let any trace of himself be discovered, whether they'd just moved here or not. It had to be the kid.** _

 

“ _ **Psst. Hey kid. Over here” Eric whispered. The new kid looked around, his parents had gone back inside. “I'm over here retard!”**_

 

_**The kid spotted him, hidden behind the bush by the side of the fence. He walked over to him, staring at him in confusion. “What are you doing here?”** _

 

“ _ **Oh you know, just hanging out. What the hell does it look like I'm doing!?”**_

 

“ _ **Hiding?”**_

 

“ _ **Oh gee, really?”**_

 

“ _ **Are you playing hide and seek?”**_

 

“ _ **Sure kid, I'm playing hide and seek. Its me versus everyone else in town”**_

 

 

_**When the kid gave him a blank look Eric sighed. Obviously he was slow on jokes, either that or he had no sense of humor. “Ok look, I'm dead”** _

 

“ _ **What!?”**_

 

_**Eric held his hands up and then shushed him “I'm not literally dead. Shhh, everyone just thinks I am”** _

 

“ _ **Why?” Eric sighed again and told the boy his story and his recents plans to get to his friend Kyle. “Shouldn't you at least tell your Mom?”**_

 

“ _ **No way. She'll totally go nuts and tell on me and my whole secret will be out before Kyle can say anything”**_

 

“ _ **So what am I suppose to do?”**_

 

“ _ **I'll give you thirty bucks. All you have to do is go to school when it starts again, sit next to Kyle using my empty seat and just like spy and annoy him”**_

 

“ _ **How?”**_

 

“ _ **You know, just like try and take my place or whatever, see if it ticks him off, take notes of the places he's going”**_

 

“ _ **I don't even know you, why should I do this for you?”**_

 

“ _ **Cause dude, thirty bucks”**_

 

“ _ **Fifty”**_

 

“ _ **Fifty!? Fuck no!”**_

 

“ _ **Fifty or I'll tell the whole town about you”**_

 

“ _ **You just moved here, no one's going to believe you of all people” The kid took out his phone and quickly snapped an image. Eric scowled “Did you just take a picture of me?”**_

 

“ _ **Now I have proof”**_

 

“ _ **You better delete that”**_

 

“ _ **Fifty bucks” he held out his hand**_

 

“ _ **Delete that right now asshole!”**_

 

“ _ **Fifty”**_

 

“ _ **All right! Fine” Eric fished out his money from his coat. “Might as well cut off my balls while you're at it”**_

 

“ _ **What?”**_

 

“ _ **Nevermind. Now delete that picture”**_

_**  
“No”** _

 

“ _ **What do you mean no? I just gave you most of my money dickhead”**_

 

“ _ **That fifty was for the spying. Ten bucks to delete the picture”**_

 

“ _ **Weak. Dude. Really weak” Eric handed over another ten bucks. He then watched Levi delete the picture from his phone. “Now nobody can know I'm alive understand? Absolutley nobody”**_

 

“ _ **Ok”**_

 

“ _ **Good”**_

 

“ _ **How will I find you?”**_

 

“ _ **I'll meet you here after school's out”**_

 

“ _ **It would be a lot easier if we used my dad's wire set”**_

 

“ _ **Wire set?”**_

 

“ _ **My dad was a cop back where we lived. He's retired now, but I'm sure he still has some of the gear”**_

 

“ _ **Yes, that's perfect!”**_

 

“ _ **Forty bucks”**_

 

“ _ **What!? Are you fucking kidding me? That's like, the rest of my money”**_

 

“ _ **I'm the one risking my ass by lying and stealing the wire set for you. I don't even know you, but if you're dumb enough to fake your own death, you must be desperate”**_

 

“ _ **All right all right, forty more dollars. God damn it you're an asshole. But you have to bring me snacks. I don't know how long this is gonna last. It'll be much easier if you can get me food. It kind of sucks that I had all that money but I couldn't get food for fear of being seen”**_

 

“ _ **I guess I can do that. So whose Kyle again?”**_

 

“ _ **Kyle is this ginger Jew who wears a faggy green poodle hat and an orange coat. He sits next to me and Stan, my seat will be the only empty one left. So you'll know when you get there”**_

 

“ _ **Ok”**_

 

“That new kid? He knew about this? Four weeks prior to school starting?”

 

“Well yeah. I needed someone on the inside, I couldn't risk sneaking around school dumbass”

 

“You got the new kid to spy on me?”

 

“Well, not really spy. I had to pay him a hundred bucks to wear a little wired microphone so I could keep track of where you were going”

 

“That's spying asshole!” Kyle then thought back “So you- you heard about”

 

Eric started laughing “Oh my god! That was so fucking hilairious! You were all like 'You can't sit there!' 'don't fucking sit there!'”

 

“So you paid him to sit next to me, told him who I was, so he could literally spy on me for you”

 

“Yeah, luckily you only lasted the first day. I didn't count on you going nuts right away, I might have had to pay him more”

 

“I can't believe you would go through all this, all this trouble just to get at me. Do you really hate me that much Cartman?”

 

“About as much as you hate me, probably more. I would have done and carried on lying for ten years if it meant I got to hear those words from your Jew lips. That I Eric Cartman was right, and that you Kyle, despite hating my guts, still had it in you to actually say you missed me”

 

“I literally can't believe you, you are a bigger asshole then I ever imagined”

 

“Come on Kyle. You're not _that_ gullible. You said it yourself way before any of this, I can fool anyone but you. Except I did fool you, this time. It just took a little longer. Unfortunetly, you know me better then anyone, don't you Kahl? And that's what is eating you up the most. That you know me better and yet you still, despite how long, fell for my most devious plan to date”

 

Kyle gritted his teeth and pounced angrily, making them both topple to the floor. Eric raised his hands up to try and stop Kyle from beating the crap out of him. “You son of a bitch Cartman!”

 

“Kyle! Stop it, knock it off!”

 

“I hate you so fucking much!” all of a sudden Kyle remembered something. He stopped fighting and stood up, justice would be made; Karma would come, he just had to wait. “Ok Cartman. I won't tell anyone what you did”

 

“What?”

 

“You will. You will tell them and maybe they'll take it easy on you. Better you tell them then them finding out”

 

“Why? Why are you being kewl now?”

 

“You know. I'm thinking of everyone else, something you never do. They were all pretty sad, it'll be much better for them too”

 

“No. You were practically going to kill me and then you stopped, why?”

 

“Cartman, just take the fucking chance; not that you deserve it. I certainly shouldn't be giving you it”

 

Eric got up from the floor and soon began to follow Kyle out of the cemetary. The Jew was really pissed, the anger was bascially radiating off him. “I can't believe I paid that Levi jerk a hundred bucks and all it took was one day”

 

“Serves you right”

 

“Whatever. My first spy owes me fifty bucks anyways”

 

Kyle stopped and got in front of Eric “Who was it?”

 

“Oh. It doesn't matter”

 

“Who owes you fifty bucks Cartman!? It was Butters wasn't it?”

 

“God dammit it wasn't Butters. He wanted to buy COD, but he didn't have the money and his Mom wouldn't give it to him. I gave him the money in exchange for his co-operation”

 

Kyle's eyes shifted, thinking it over. Then it hit him. It was like a sharp pain in his heart. “Stan?”

 

“Yep. He wanted the game pretty bad. I guess he just wanted in on your 'best summer ever'. The game hadn't long come out, so no one else would have it yet. All he had to do was plant a little tracking chip on your coat, one that tracks but also allows me to hear whatever you said while I was away”

 

“No. No Stan wouldn't do that”

 

“He didn't want to at first, but the temptation of COD was too much. He knew you really wanted to play it too. Everyone does. So he agreed and bought the game”

 

“But-how. He-”

 

“ _My Mom said if I do a load of chores soon, she'll let me have a massive sleep over and we could have a Terrence and Phillip Marathon”_

 

“He told me that his Mum gave him the money because of all the chores that he'd done that day”

 

Kyle then gasped  _“_ _Kyle come on. Let's just see Cartman off so we can enjoy the summer” Stan said, placing his hand on Kyle's shoulder to calm him._

 

“I guess you're 'super best friend' isn't so super huh?”

 

Kyle clenched his fists “Does Stan know?”

 

“What?”

 

“Does Stan know you're alive!?” Kyle was hurt, he couldn't believe Stan would betray him, all for a new COD game.

 

“I honestly swear on my own life that no one knows about this”

 

Kyle frowned at him “Not good enough”

 

Eric rolled his eyes, “I swear on Mr Kitty's life and my Mum's life” Kyle relented, Eric was an asshole. But he knew that the boy did actually care about them. Or at least his cat. “Like I said. The death plan wasn't intentional until it happened, that's why it was so perfect”

 

Kyle sighed with a little relief. At least Stan hadn't known about the death part. But his betrayal still hurt, if Stan had asked him; he would have lent him the money. “So the new kid was in on this and Stan betrayed me to spy on me while you were at your Grandma's”

 

“I wasn't suppose to tell you about that part”

 

“You're going to come clean and tell everyone that you're alive”

 

Eric whined “Do I have tooooo?”

 

“Yes you do! Otherwise I will tell Levi to tell everyone, if they won't listen to me. I bet he still has that picture you said he took”

 

“Nah ah, he deleted it”

 

“Well most phones keep a deleted copy for a limited time. Even you should know that. I bet he didn't delete that”

 

Eric gave a thoughtful frown before he clenched his eyes shut and yelled. “Oh God dammit!”

 


End file.
